Elon, please help.

Elon Musk attempts to solve my first world problem

Tyler Stacy

My first world problem is internet providers. It all started when I moved to a house that can’t get Xfinity, the issue being that for me to get cable internet, the big bad Xfinity has to lay a line down. This line costs 14,000 buckaroos, and, well, I’m not paying. So the other option is Centurylink. Trust me, no one wants Centurylink
Imagine coming home to watch a show after a hard day of work and not being able to watch anything because the cables are too cold. Yes, that’s right. During the winter my family can’t watch television because Centurylink has such bad service.
I was waiting in sorrow for my situation to change when one day, our lord and savior, Elon Musk, blessed my mother with Starlink availability in my area. Of course, my mom immediately invested without telling us because something is better than nothing. I proceeded to start calling it space internet, and I was thrilled to finally have good internet.
It arrived like a trophy being carried by a chariot racer — it being the Starlink package, and the chariot racer being a FedEx guy. My family opened it in excitement. To my confusion at the time, the package seemed a lot bigger than I previously envisioned, but nevertheless I continued the opening. To my family’s horror, we saw a satellite dish.
Here’s the issue: I have a metal roof. Elon, how could you do this to me? I would think that they would have come up with some easy way to attach it, but no. I live in a constant purgatory, and I am harassed by the very internet providers that I rely on.
It’s these moments that make life funny, and sometimes fiction can’t even come close to how ridiculous real life is. Even the things that make you mad might be the next joke at the dinner table. Anyways, I’m gonna go figure out how to put a satellite dish on a metal roof.