When I was younger, making friends was so easy. A simple “Hi, what’s your name?” to a girl in my class was enough to be considered friends, even if we never talked again. Going into middle school, though? That was much more difficult. 

     A few misplaced jokes I didn’t realize were insensitive would lead to having no one to sit with during lunch. That can be really rough on a kid, especially when they have other issues at home. Plus, I talk a lot, and no one wants to listen to that. That’s how I developed the habit of asking people repeatedly, “Am I annoying you?” Usually, the answer was no. Until I asked.

     My therapist used the term “self-fulfilling prophecy,” meaning I theorize something will happen, so my actions change in such a way that it does. She said that it was a byproduct of my anxiety disorder, a condition that I would have to learn to cope with. 

     Having anxiety, rationalizing becomes nearly impossible because nothing about anxiety is rational. It’s hard to reassure yourself, so you ask for it from other people, and they don’t know how to help, so you keep asking and asking and asking. But as a result, it can make you a hard person to be friends with at times.

     I absolutely had issues with this during both middle school and my first year at West Albany High School. I still struggle with it, but it’s easier now. I have people who I know would tell me if I was bothering them, and I try to remind myself of my good qualities. Remembering why people want to be around me and what I’m good at has been crucial to breaking my bad habits. When in doubt,  I remind myself that I am awesome, and anxiety can kick rocks. With a perspective, I’m Virgil Isaac.