This year has gone by so fast. High school has gone by fast, but this year has gone by the fastest and to be honest, I’m happy it has. I welcome college.

     It seemed like only last week it was my first day of freshman year, which I don´t even remember, really. That year was a complete blur, but what I do remember was it being a festering pile of trash. I had no social skills at the time, I was too quiet, and I hated everyone, including myself. It truly felt like an extension of middle school. It was horrendous and I couldn’t tell one day from another. 

       Then Covid hit. The routine I had built up from school over the past five years at that point just vanished. Now it was replaced with all these assignments, which were easy and quick to do, so I had time to think about myself.

        “What did I want to be? Who did I want to be? How did I want people to remember me?” I said sometimes out loud.

        I decided to be a football player. In sophomore year I signed up, traded in my jogging for push-ups, and became a lineman. I hated it, started working out from time to time, and tried something new.

       In my junior year, I tried out an array of different clubs: Environmental Club, Philosophy Club, Improv Club, Investment Club, Youth and Government, and Black Student Union, just to find some kind

 of niche. Along with journalism, only a few of those clubs followed me to my senior year.  

  My original plan this year was to be the most social I have ever been. I wanted to go to every social event, and every dance, participate in things like powder puff and air guitar, and not miss out on friends for studying. Though this conflicted with my other goal, which was to take classes outside my comfort zone. Classes like AP Government, a topic which I had always struggled with, and AP Art, a topic which I had always enjoyed, were my top choices. Though, I never anticipated how hard it would be to balance these two goals out. I wanted it to be an eventful year, but it ended with me not being able to enjoy time with my friends.

     I feel like the goals for this year were just another attempt to try to find my place, my niche again. Was I a social goer brave enough to stand in front of my peers or an intellectual who could succeed at the subjects he loves and also hates? Am I both? I don’t know. Am I neither? I don’t know that either. 

    High school has just felt like a guessing game of “Who am I?  Where do I belong, and what are my limits?” I’m just hoping college has the answers to those questions because right now, I still feel blind. 

      Even with four years of experience in different clubs and hanging out with a variety of people, I still don’t know who I am. I still don’t know where I fit, and you might not know either, but that’s fine. I’m 18, legally an adult, not sure mentally though, and I’m still trying to figure out who I am.

      So try new things and search for your place, but still enjoy the time with your friends when you can. Find a balance between trying to figure out yourself on your own, and also with your friends. The worst thing anyone can do is give up, whether that’s academically, socially, or self experimentally. Just don’t do anything illegal.